Look At Yourself
by Temari 88
Summary: - "You aren’t nearly as strong-willed as you like to believe, otherwise you wouldn’t have fallen into that bottomless abyss without listening to the horrible whispers coming from its hidden corners…" -


_Hello people! :D_

_This afternoon I got stuck with the need to write this down, really randomly... the idea for the story you're going to read came to mind a couple of days ago while listening to a song called '4 Words (To Choke Upon)' by the Bullet For My Valentine: the lyrics made me think about the possible reaction Naruto might have facing Sasuke after Pein's attack on the village._

_**Warning**: NOT YAOI in any shape or form! Sharp-tongued Naruto (borned from my own way of talking to people I don't like - namely Sasuke - without really insulting them but simply pointing out their faults) that I personally adore *squeal* Sorry for any Sasuke-lover out there: you're about to read your favourite get verbally beaten ^^_

_This is in Naruto's POV_

_Words: 1594_

_Disclamer: I own nothing..._

_Read&Review! XD_

_Ja ne,  
Temari 88_

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**Look At Yourself (Through My Eyes)**

_**by Temari 88**_

How long has it been, since the last time I've seen your face? I couldn't catch you that time: you were running away from me to chase after your revenge, to cut yet another of the bonds you always seemed to hate so much… you seem to think they tie you down, they make you weak, they transform you into something you don't want. Say the truth: you don't want to be happy; you don't want to be content with a life where you're surrounded by people that care for you.

You're too far up, high so that no one can touch you; no one can reach out to you. You always felt _yourself_ when basked in self hatred, dark thoughts and a thick wall of royal coldness impossible to break. You never cared for anyone but yourself and the revenge you so determinately clung to, as if otherwise you'd loose your sense of belonging… you were so desperate, you kept everyone at a distance even when they tried their hardest to make you see them. You seem to think you're above… like a God – a dark God bringer of darkness and proud of it.

Back when we were a team, you told me more than once that I was stupid, obnoxious, annoying… that my numerous attempts to have people recognize me were vain and useless; you _never_ wasted time in pushing me down and crushing my hopes under your boot with a cruel glint in your eyes, I rarely ever saw – even in Gaara it was not so strong – and then, when I was still trying to recover from a bruised soul, you went on beating my ego with your amazing skills…

Those times, were the only ones where people played a useful role in your life: the cheers they send your way were weapons to weaken my already weak faith in my own strength… I was always good at acting so I actually wonder if you're aware of just how _much_ hurt I had to swallow back then… it was a very bitter bite to digest, you know that?… Probably not. As I said, my masks are quite effective – I've had a lot of time to practise since I was big enough to dress myself without aid – and a very restricted number of people has been able to see through; most of them have become sort of good at it only recently and just one person has seen the real me since the first time: we fellow 'monsters' can sense certain things, but I'm sure you'd never understand…

After all, you are not one of the lucky ones. No, you preferred to remain stuck inside your own sickening hate rather than live a life with friends and the chance of building your own family.

You know, I never thought of myself as a genius – far from it, I know my limits in that area – this is why I don't have to act all high and mighty: if I need help, I ask for it. If you trust those around you, putting your life on the line is never a risk; if you have faith in those around you, they will do everything in their power to help you succeed and vice versa.

You used to call me 'stupid', 'dumb' and whatever else. Now, it is me calling you stupid. Yes, you are – you always were – a stupid bastard; you never understood a thing. And this is not a question to which you can answer, it is a statement… a fact; a plain explanation of your attitude thus far, and for the future as well because you live in your own little world were everybody else is scum, unworthy of your holy presence.

You will never understand the amount of power you've given up in favour of a fickle, dirty and immensely weaker part of your heart: you left that dark void inside you grow and grow, to a point were it controlled you and even a flicker of happiness scared it senseless and drove you mad. That hole became so large it was physically impossible to fight against the feelings springing from it… so you chose to do its bidding.

Believe me, I know what it means to have a 'creature' lurking in the recesses of your mind, waiting for the right time to lunge forward and cut your sanity to shreds… it's far from pleasant and never short lived. You aren't nearly as strong-willed as you like to believe, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen into that bottomless abyss without listening to the horrible whispers coming from its hidden corners… Are you aware that you became the real 'monster' dwelling and crawling low through the village? Unchecked, uncontrolled, unrecognisable… yet there for everyone to see, given enough attention; but no one – me alone – knew what to look for, so you roamed free where I was chased.

You accused me, back during our last fight, that I have no idea how it feels to see your family being killed in front of you… I said it was true: I had no family to begin with so I wouldn't know how it is to loose it; if you asked me now, I'd answer the same thing as back then… but - if that time I didn't say more – today I would ask this to you: do you know how it feels like to have to fight through every single thing for what you wish to achieve? I know you wouldn't utter a word but I can do it for you: no, you have no idea.

You had everything presented to you on a silver plate. You never had to fight with teeth and nails in your entire life. You were never pushed down. Your efforts were always – without fail – cherished… perfection and genius came easily to you. You've always been brilliant, strong, mysterious… other kids looked up at you but you never deemed them worthy.

I understand that your life has not been as easy as it might seem: keeping high standards was hard, but you did it effortlessly. You desired – craved – the power. Every mission had to present a challenge: the higher the danger, the better… that was something common for us both, even with different horizons in mind. You tended to look far far away – towards a distance invisible to the eyes – I focused on a single, close step, careful to reach that first, before moving on…

Our paths have led us in opposite directions – something I never wished for – but in the end, I guess you stood defeated right from the start: some bonds you simply can't sever, no matter how much you try… to do that, both parties have to give up but you know me: I never give up on my precious people. I never stopped hoping you'd come back and, by the looks of it, I was granted my wish.

"You're back."

"What happened?"

"Why do you care?"

"I had to be the cause for Konoha's downfall."

"Pein arrived before you, sorry."

"Then why are you alive?"

"… I defeated him… and he sacrificed his life to bring everyone back…"

I can see you eyes and, if I was any different from who I am, I would have laughed at you; a camera right now would bring forward the possibility of great black mail material. Still, I'm totally serious – I know what you're thinking seeing me: quite a feat, are we sure this is that stupid dumbass? – and I stare you down as you search my eyes for a bluff even you know not being there… you're trying to convince yourself that you can still kick my ass anytime but this bit of information has your resolve weaver, has it not?

I'm stronger, you can see it – you can feel it in your bones. In the months we haven't seen each other, I have grown into my own self; I've had to pull through a lot of sadness before knowing some sort of respite. You can see words won't work on me this time – you can't count on my weaknesses because I've tamed them.

Of all the things I know you can see in me, one is absent: there is no anger in my stare, only a quiet pity… and it confuses you, angers you… it pierces your ego more than a defeat. You almost can't believe what stands in front of you, surrounded by all those you rejected. I can faintly recognize the emotion playing in the depths of your eyes, but I still respect you enough not to broadcast it to the world: you've humiliated yourself enough to cover my part as well.

Look at yourself, now: cry for your own misery, my friend, because _my_ time for doing so has long since ended.

_**OWARI**_


End file.
